Hosted by: Stikman and Skulldude
Stikman: Welcome, folks, to a new experiment we're trying just for today. I'm Stikman of Kaboom Komics fame, and this is Skulldude.
Skulldude: Today, we're gonna rip off Death Battle by having two fighters fight to the death in a fiery spectacle of raging infernos and red-hot steel!
St: Fiery indeed, Skulldude. For this experiment, we're going to be calling upon two sword fighters of unusual origins to see who the superior swordsman is. Our first fighter is Tahu, of the Toa Mata from Lego’s Bionicle series...
Sk: And his opponent will be Granberia, the Dragon swordswoman of the Four Heavenly Knights from Monster Girl Quest.
St: We'll be analyzing their skills, armor, and weapons to see who would win a Death Battle.
<BGM: Mata Nui Online The Legend: Beach Chant>
St: Tahu is the leader of the Toa Mata, a team of 6 biomechanical warriors designed to save Mata Nui in its darkest hour.
Sk: Wait, which one, the god or the island?
St: Both. They're called the same thing by the inhabitants, and with good reason. Mata Nui is the very god of the Bionicle universe, which happens to be a massive Unicron-sized robot that houses various smaller robots that work to ensure their continued co-existence. However, a particular Makuta named Teridax, the Makuta being a shadow-powered species, grew dissatisfied working for Mata Nui’s wellbeing, and he found a way to put Mata Nui into a deep slumber, causing him to crashland on a watery planet called Spherus Magna, where its face would become the island of Mata Nui.
Sk: And everything else within the body got waterlogged and drowned, the end.
St: Remember, its face was still on the ocean surface, so there was no worry of Mata Nui drowning just yet; it was the sleep itself that was potentially dangerous. Because of this, the Toa Mata were created from scratch to assist in the revival of the robotic god.
St: Tahu and the rest of his allies were created on the island of Artakha, and were all trained by the jailer Hydraxon in the ways of combat via their weapons and elemental powers, while the first Toa, Toa Helryx, explained to Tahu and Toa Kopaka about their destiny to protect Mata Nui and its inhabitants, the Matoran, from the forces of darkness.
Sk: So how does the island of Okoto fit into thi –
St: Ah, right, I figured you’d bring that up. THAT particular Tahu is from the reboot of Bionicle, where they have substantially different, yet weaker powers. Tahu in that timeline has his fire powers built into the mask itself, while Tahu in the main one is capable of that ability normally and has a different ability for his mask.
Sk: Was the amnesiac personality invented for the new Tahu as well?
St: That was present in the main Tahu, actually. When the Toa Mata were to be launched to Mata Nui’s face, there was an accident which caused the team to drift in the ocean for a good 1000 years.
Sk: Oh geez, 1000 years at sea? Man, I’d die of the sea-sickness from that drifting.
St: It was much worse than that. Because of the long period of inactivity, their organic components had rotted away severely, which led to them becoming dismantled, which forced them to pull themselves together upon landing properly on the island.
Sk: Whoa, now they’re organic? I thought these were robots, not cyborgs.
St: Well… yes and no. The inhabitants of Mata Nui are all robotic, but they also have organic components which affect their memories, which one would assume to be an actual brain wired up to all their various gadgetries. Because of the millennium-long drifting, the organic components rotted and caused the Toa to forget about who they were previously. They eventually regenerated on their own, but they would have no memory of their past lives.
Sk: So the whole place is basically an entire robot full of General Grievouses living in its cavities. Awesome, yet terrifying at the same time.
St: …mmm, more or less.
Sk: Well, despite the memory loss, their battle instincts surely survived the cruise, as upon landing, he and the other Toa were fully capable of the most daunting tasks, such as swatting away various creatures sent by Teridax to destroy them and going on a collect-a-thon that makes the Banjo-Kazooie series look like Super Mario 64.
St: I blame the advertising of those years.
Sk: Tahu’s abilities include his mastery over the Fire element, allowing him to command fire at will, become entirely resistant to fire, shoot fire blasts, make sand into glass, and melt many a things, which were helped with his trusty fire sword amplifying his formidable firepower. He was a walking meltdown!
St: However, like all fire-based characters, he was weak against water, which was probably why the Hau, the Mask of Shielding, was given to him. While it generally protected him from any dangerous blows, it would not protect him against ambushes or deceptively powerful blows. This protection was necessary, because if he were to lose his mask, his elemental powers would be crippled, leaving him with half the strength he normally has to spare. And then there’s the Vahi, the Mask of Time, which was given to him by Turaga Vakama, which allows Tahu to speed up or slow down time itself for a small period for him to do whatever. Sadly, the one time he decided to use this mask, he decided it was too risky to use and decided to give it back to Vakama for safe-keeping.
St: Did I mention that if he were to lose control of this mask, as Vakama almost did, it would’ve resulted in time itself being ripped apart or something worse?
Sk: Well never mind then. Time travel is always a painful thing, folks.
St: In addition, Tahu, as well as the other Toa, held the ability to use a Nova Blast -
Sk: Not to be confused with Greymon’s signature attack from Digimon, peeps.
St: The Nova Blast is a Toa’s last resort, which would unleash their entire pool of their elemental energy and utterly ANNIHILATE anything foolish enough to stand in their way. While it hasn’t been properly seen onscreen, it was speculated that the blast could single handedly destroy an entire continent, which means if misused, this could’ve destroyed Mata Nui itself, dooming everyone to a watery grave.
Sk: Of course, considering the nature of this series, he and the rest of the Toa was soon blessed with an upgrade. Courtesy of a dunk into a pool of a liquid version of their adamantium.
<BGM: Bionicle Quest for the Toa: Ta-Koro>
St: After managing to defeat the Bohrok queens, the Toa were changed into the Toa Nuva, arguably the most powerful Toa forms to have ever existed. The liquid metal used, Energized Protodermis, heavily upgraded the Toa, giving them better armor, weapons, and upgrades to their masks, which could now have their effects shared to anyone nearby.
St: While the mask and armor upgrades gave him a needed defensive boost, his fire sword was upgraded into two copies of the blade, each with better mastery over fire to the point Tahu could literally make a surfboard of his blades and ride lava waves.
Sk: That’s freakin’ awesome. Where can I get me some of those swords?
St: Go dunk your head in some Protodermis and see what you get.
Sk: Nah, sounds like a pain in the ass. No one even sells the stuff here.
St: That’s because it’s only been shown on Mata Nui.
St: But that’s not all the upgrades Tahu received. When Tahu set foot in the Swamps of Secrets to revive Mata Nui, he received a new set of armor that would adapt itself to the harsh swamp by… giving him jet packs? S:
Sk: Holy shit, that sounds even more awesome!
St: It also gave him a new rotating shield-blade, as well as a laser cannon. The armor’s main point was that it would allow him to switch between his Nuva form and this form at any time, hence the adaptable part.
Sk: Gimme gimme gimme gimme!
St: Unfortunately, this wouldn’t last long, as during the final battle, Tahu was effectively stripped of ALL his new powers and abilities from his Toa Nuva form, and had to fend off against an entire horde of enemies with only two other people to aid him.
Sk: WHAT. How could they get rid of the surfboard and jetpacks!?
St: Mainly because the Mask of Life, the artifact that was used to revive Mata Nui and the one that stripped Tahu of his powers, was a spiteful piece of metal all throughout the series.
Sk: Figures. <rimshot>
St: However, to compensate, the Mask granted Tahu with the ultimate fail-safe system: the Golden Armor, which could only be used by a Toa Mata in its original form.
Sk: Bleh, what a waste. That Golden Armor had better be damn worth it to go up against an advancing army of robo -
(A small cutscene plays where Tahu, equipped with the armor, vaporized the entirety of all the Rahkshi present in one bright glow)
Sk: …holy DAMN. S:
St: The Golden Armor was intended to be used in case a massive viral infection broke out and contaminated Mata Nui’s insides. In this case, the infection was all the Rahkshi that were coming at Tahu. Because of them being made of Antidermis, their dark matter for lack of words, the armor was able to disintegrate them in one fell swoop, also stealing their essences in the process and allowing Tahu the usage of all of those Rahkshi’s powers, effectively letting Tahu enjoy the brokenness of current Superman.
Sk: Oh great, what sorta curbstomping abilities did he get?
St: Lessee… <pulls out a stack of papers> accuracy, adaptability, the ability to inflict anger on an opponent, chain lightning, psychic assaults, cyclones, shadow-crafting, density control, instant disintegration…
Sk: Enough, already! Holy crap, he won the superpower lottery with that armor!
St: I wasn’t even finished yet.
Sk: Freaking hell, here’s MORE!?
St: We’d be here all day if I explained every single one of these powers. To put it bluntly, he gained the very powers Makuta Teridax employed during his run, but the only way he can use them is if he dons the armor, which only he can wear, since the other Toa were still in their Nuva forms.
Sk: Man, shafted by the Lego company. What a waste.
St: Of course, with the ability to handle fire, Tahu was also given a personality to match. Tahu was the leader of the Toa, but he was also hotblooded, fierce, and the most feared. He would often argue with his fellow Toa, especially the ice Toa Kopaka, and his temper would oftentimes make him irrational and hotheaded. He is prone to looking before he leaps, getting him into an unhealthy amount of trouble at times, but eventually he calmed down enough to stop doing this for the most part. In addition, his Nuva form had one glaringly harsh weakness: his elemental powers were tied to a strange stone with a symbol on it; if it were to be captured by an enemy, he would lose his elemental powers.
Sk: …wow. Why not just put a sign on it that says “destroy me to make my owner as useless as dirt”? That’s a pretty huge flaw for that Nuva form.
St: Thankfully, Tahu hid it after it was first captured in a secure spot to prevent that from happening again, and it didn’t really matter anyways when Tahu was reverted back to his original form to use the Golden Armor.
St: At any rate, while Tahu is a rash, impatient fighter, he is overly courageous and will protect his allies to the bitter end. While the Toa all follow a rule of “Thou shalt not kill” for the most part, if Tahu gets worked up enough and points his fiery vengeance at you, you’ll be WISHING you were dead.
Sk: He’s the one oven you do NOT want to get into to escape from the frying pan.
Tahu: None have breached Ta-Koro’s gates before! And none shall this day!
St: …egad, Skulldude, that was a terrible pun.
Sk: What? Boomstick gets away with it all the time.
St: Yeah, but his puns are actually funny.
St: …are we REALLY going over this character?
Sk: What? She’s a flame swordsman, much like Tahu.
St: Except Tahu came from what was effectively a kid series. She’s from a rather explicit 18+ work.
Sk: I see no problem with this.
St: It’s usually bad form to be praising a hentai game, you know.
Sk: Bah. If they’d actually MAKE any good games that made me give a damn for a character, I’d be praising them. But noooooo, due to some stupid backwards-ass mentality that popped up during the Recession, folks think cell phone crap like Puzzle & Dragons and Game of War is actually good, gameplay and storytelling be damned, so f*** ‘em. Folks shouldn’t be ashamed of admitting a good game when it actually comes around, regardless of the origin, which is why I’m doing this. Spread da love~.
St: We’re so going to get hate mail for this…
<BGM: Monster Girl Quest: Hellgondo>
Sk: Granberia is a Dragonkin swordswoman who serves as the Knight of Fire for the Four Heavenly Knights, a group of elite monster warriors who serve the dreaded Monster Lord on the island of Hellgondo, a dreary place full of desolate wastelands, ruined cities, and terrifying yet sexy monster girls. Yummy~.
St: However, unlike the other knights, she wasn’t born into power. She was orphaned at a young age for reasons unknown, where it’s normally unheard of to abandon Dragonkin children, which led the local Spirit of Fire, Salamander, to take her as her adopted daughter. At a young age, Granberia was taught swordsmanship and her skillset, the Cursed Sword Skills, by the spirit, which eventually led to the creation of one of the strongest swordswomen in the world.
Sk: Daring herself to be a badass, Granny took her trusted sword, Ares, and sought to compete in the Monster Lord Coronation Battle Royal merely to test her skills, where the most badass monster women would fight each other to become the next Monster Lord, after the last one got killed by a group of humans.
St: Now, when you say “Monster Lord”, is this hinting that the ruler of the monsters is actually a male, or what?
Sk: It’s pretty much just for intimidation. All the monsters in this world are sexy women, so they needed an intimidating title to scare the weak humans.
St: So why did they choose “Monster Lord” specifically as the title for the role? That kinda hints there’s a guy leading them and not a woman…
Sk: Beats me. I blame the Japanese and their weird play on words.
St: Somehow I’m not surprised.
Sk: Anywhos, Granberia managed to fight the last person standing at this point, the previous Lord’s daughter, Alice the 16th, a powerful Echidna-like monster. Despite bringing the royal brat down to her figurative knees, Alice was able to conjure enough power to defeat the scary dragon lady and secure herself the role like usual.
St: Like usual?
Sk: Yep. Alice’s family had long since held the title of Monster Lord for 16 generations now. They only hold the competition to keep up the illusion any of the monsters could become the next ruler.
St: Also not surprising. Moving on, despite being defeated by Alice, Alice would appoint Granberia and the other three runner ups in the tournament as her personal bodyguards, the Four Heavenly Knights, making her one of the youngest Knights recorded in history at the age of 24.
Sk: Granny, being the typical blood knight, wasn’t satisfied with her lofty position. Even though she gained new powers as a Knight such as telepathy amongst her colleagues and teleportation magic, she realized she could have been bested by the other Knights had the others focused on her first. This prompted the Dragonkin to undergo even MORE training in order to make up for their rather apparent gap in power by training under the other elements and applying their skills to her own. By doing so, she eventually learned how to counter wind users by being able to upgrade her speed at will, earth users by simply slashing through mountains hard enough to pierce their hard defenses, and water users by learning the skill Serene Mind. This skill not only allows Granberia to move in Matrix bullet time, but it also allows her to do impossibly BS tasks, like being able to SLASH DRAGON FIRE ITSELF ASIDE thanks to seeing the fire blast in slow motion and swinging it at the right time to blow it away!
St: Wha… how…?
Sk: I wager this is only the tip of the iceberg. Considering that the hero Luka was able to do that fire slashing trick the FIRST TIME he learned how to use Serene Mind properly, one can only imagine how someone with more experience than him would be able to utilize the move.
<BGM: Monster Girl Quest: Boss Intro Theme>
Sk: Of course, the dragon lady didn’t rely on slashing a sword around randomly to earn her title. She employs the use of the Cursed Sword Skills taught to her by Salamander, which are techniques formed from various sword users from the numerous monster girl tribes that often have a horrific backstory behind them. These skills include Demon Decapitation, a skill used to strike at the neck of its target, Thunder Thrust, a quick jab of the sword meant to catch folks offguard, and Demon Skull Beheading, which is a strike from on high to deliver a crushing blow to its target. These moves can be further powered up by the water, wind, and earth elements respectively to increase their attack strength and effectiveness.
Sk: However, her favorite and most deadly skill to use is the Vaporizing Rebellion Sword, a dangerous flurry of sword swings boosted by her natural affinity to fire, which can become boosted even FURTHER if she calls upon the power of Salamander, which is pretty much going to one hit kill anything under the sun after a nasty onslaught of steel and FIAH. Sadly, she doesn’t get to bust this move out all that often due to the lack of actual quality swordsmen in her world, but if she DID find someone who would last that long against her… hoo boy. Pretty sure there won’t even be ASHES left of ya if you didn’t have adequate protection.
St: Speaking of swordsmen, Granberia has an honor code, which is an oddity amongst her monster kind. Normally, monsters will gladly attack the weakest targets they can find, but Granberia places herself under a strict guideline NEVER to attack anyone who is unarmed, be they human or monster, unless they are planning to attack her superior. She also despises anyone who was merely given their power, and believes a true warrior must earn that strength. If anyone challenges her to a swordfight by calling her out or pointing a sword in her general direction, she will then target the individual who challenged her in earnest. Because of a lack of genuine swordsmen at the time, she is usually having to beat up any posers that stand against her, but should anyone manage to surprise her somehow, like using a Cursed Sword Skill on her, and convince her not to defeat them on the spot, she will take an interest in the challenger and keep tabs on them, hoping they’ll improve sometime later so she can savor the eventual rematch. If they manage to beat her, she’ll yield and promise the victor to anything, though she’ll most likely offer to spar with the victor later. If they lose, however, the loser would then be forced to become Granberia’s lover… which will involve a LOT of humiliation and sword training.
Sk: Especially the humiliation. Believe me, dragon boobs are a lot rougher than you’d expect.
St: …did we REALLY need to know that, Skulldude?
Sk: It seemed relevant to me.
St: Moving that disturbing thought aside, Granberia’s honor code can be a liability at times. Because of her blood knight tendencies, she will grow bored if a fight grows too stale and force the opponent to show their moves -
<BGM: Smash Bros 4: Captain Falcon’s Victory theme>
Sk: YESZ! <wearing a Capt. Falcon helmet>
<BGM: Monster Girl Quest: Maouzyou.ogg>
St: No. <dopeslaps Skulldude, knocking his helmet off> Ahem, force her opponent into using their best move. If this move happens to involve any destructive forces beyond her control, this could be fatal for Granberia, which would force her to defend herself with her Vaporizing Rebellion Sword, which by that point would be too late to properly defend herself, as shown when Luka defeated Granberia with Quadruple Giga, his best move which utilized the Spirits’ powers for one devastating blast of energy.
Sk: Thankfully it didn’t take that time, and Granny was able to recover fully after a day’s rest thanks to her dragonic origins. Though, if she DID survive such a move, she would instantly train to learn the very move that beat her down as soon as she recovered fully, very much like the Sayians’ ability to grow stronger after a brutal curbstomping handed to them. This was best showcased when Granny fought a robotic chimera and destroyed it by perfectly imitating Luka’s Quadruple Giga move on the spot.
St: It should also be noted her stamina thanks to her being a Dragonkin is very well insane. Granberia was once able to tank at LEAST 5 direct blasts of divine lightning in a row from a certain deity WHILE ALSO ATTACKING WITH VAPORIZING REBELLION SWORD, dealing at least an eighth of the deity’s ludicrous amount of health in damage, before falling unconscious and having to be carried off by one of her allies.
Sk: Even more insane, this exhaustion only caused her to be knocked out for less than a week, when it would’ve sent other people into a coma for a MONTH. How’s that for some brutal endurance?
St: Granberia is a fierce, tough, and violent knight who is easily able to break a grown man’s spine in half if she so wanted to. Despite this, she prides herself on her swordsmanship and swears upon it like a religion, for better or for worse. After fighting this dragon-born, anyone will see her devilish strength has allowed her to earn the graceful title she acquired with nothing but her sword and her determination.
Sk: “Sex is violence” has never been more appropriate than with Granberia.
Granberia: <raises her sword, Ares, at the screen and shouts> Now, give me your best shot!!!
END OF PART 1